I went to Junction City to visit Prince McKaine, and not only did not see him, I ended up being targeted by some damn robot from some group called the *Society of Leopold* Some inquisition thing.
He said he would kill me. I have heard that before.
I ended up defending Peter, the new prince of Capital City and ended up in tunnels beneath the Elysium with a pack of Sabbat members led by Michel the Gangrel. After Peter was safe, I went back into the tunnels with the thought of keeping the Pack from flanking the Camarilla members as they were fighting or fleeing the robot.
While we were waiting in the tunnel for some word from a member that can communicate with the pack mentally, Mike read my pedigree again. He preaches more than the priests from church when I was a child. He preaches freedom all the while following the orders of some Sabbat elder. I was not in very good place to kill him then, surrounded by his allies, in tunnels that I did not know, so once again, I held my tongue.
There will be an Althing this weekend, perhaps then I will loose my ire once and for all.

I have been doing little aside from hunting and riding my bike for hours, coming home and watching TV or reading.
I contacted Nicole and received quite a response. Basically, I have made my own bed, and Now must lie in it.
Not only have my actions harmed myself, they have insulted my elder Tati, and have caused pain to Charon.

I have emailed Tati, and gotten a response, rather than end it as a coward, I am to continue my work to unite my clan.
I emailed a contact request to Guardian Tech about Mithra and have received response from him, I asked him for contact information for Charon and in time Cerebus.

I do not even begin to know how to fix this with Charon, It's a lot worse than when I spoke out of turn about his clan. And that time I only ended up stuck to a wall, and had my spirit ripped out. And he received no personal discomfort that time. I do not know what was done to him, and really do not even know why, Nicole implied that he was punished for making a bad choice in me. He never said He chose me, he alluded to the idea that he was 'made' to put up with me. I will wait until at least the 10th of November before even trying to contact him, Nicole said he would be a long time healing.

If I survive that contact, I will have my *ducks in a row* enough to face Cerebus when he is ready. That way if I become part of his *Great Machine* I will leave no lose ends.

I had a bad dream today, a Daymare?

I dreamt I was trapped in a tiny space, and I could not move, I was aware but it was dark and silent all around me. I was not alone, but at the same time I was completely isolated.
Then I heard noises, scraping, thunking, followed by blindness from light and a rush of cold air.

I came back to awareness with a start. It was barely dusk, but rest would not come back to me at all.
I took care of business and then came back home, and just sat for a while.
I miss Demna, he broke up the silence.

After feeding last night I came back to my apartment and read my bible. It is an old Orthodox Catholic Bible Printed In my first language, Georgian.
I found some very fitting Psalms that give me pause, but as yet no solution to my personal problem.
((If you don't have the "Tbilisi Text" You get english, and if you do and you read Geiorgian, you get gibberish as this is Not written in georgian, sorry))
Psalm 32 1-5
Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.
Blessed is the man to whom the LORD imputes no iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit.
When I declared not my sin, my body wasted away through my groaning all day long.
For day and night thy hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.
I acknowledged my sin to thee, and I did not hide my iniquity;
I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD";
then thou didst forgive the guilt of my sin.


Psalm 38
Oh LORD, rebuke me not in thy anger,
nor chasten me in thy wrath!
For thy arrows have sunk into me, and thy hand has come down on me.

There is no soundness in my flesh because of thy indignation;
there is no health in my bones because of my sin.
For my iniquities have gone over my head;
they weigh like a burden too heavy for me.

My wounds grow foul and fester because of my foolishness,
I am utterly bowed down and prostrate;
all the day I go about mourning.
For my loins are filled with burning, and there is no soundness in my flesh.
I am utterly spent and crushed;
I groan because of the tumult of my heart.

LORD, all my longing is known to thee,
my sighing is not hidden from thee.
My heart throbs, my strength fails me;
and the light of my eyes - it also has gone from me.
My friends and companions stand aloof from my plague, and my kinsmen stand afar off.

Those who seek my life lay their snares,
those who seek my hurt speak of ruin,
and meditate treachery all the day long.

I am like a deaf man, I do not hear,
like a dumb man who does not open his mouth.
Yea, I am like a man who does not hear, and in whose mouth are no rebukes.

But for thee O LORD, do I wait;
it is thou. O LORD my God who wilt answer.
For I pray, "Only let them not rejoice over me,
who boast against me when my foot slips!"

For I am ready to fall,
and my pain is ever with me,,
I confess my iniquity,
I am sorry for my sin.
Those who are my foes without cause are mighty,
and many are those who hate me wrongfully.
Those who render me evil for good are my adversaries because I follow after good.

Do not forsake me O LORD!
O my God be not far from me!
Make haste to help me.
O Lord, my salvation!

I am finally feeling well enough to type.
After my last entry on October 8, I was getting ready to go to ground for the day, when a man cloaked in shadow reached out and touched the right lower part of my face and disappeared into the night.
I was struck with pain like I have never felt before and Never want to feel again. My Jaw and face swelled and bruised. It seemed like with each passing hour it got worse.
I awoke the next evening weak and in an agony I cannot put into words. I vomited blood and suffered from nasea like I never felt when I had breath in my body. I went to my apartment and fed Demna, calling him my sweet and letting him whine and snuggle with me as my pain and sickness grew more and more unbearable.
Sometime that night while I was racked with pain and delusions that even a Malkavian would be frightened of, I felt Demna breath his last as I sank almost greatfully into blackness.

My next thought came as something wetted my lips. My body lurched and grasped without my control to gain more sustanence. I looked wildly around mad with my craving, seeing Mithra, Marcus and Joe.
They pulled me out of a coffin. I dimly recall that the coffin was not empty, I was not alone?

Mithra and Joe, took hold of my weak, hideous body and with most likely more disgust than consideration got me out of the grave.
Joe, holding me tightly to keep my blood starved arms tight to my sides and therefore away from him, took me and found me prey to feed on, I can only recall one other time in my entire existance that I fed so insanely, the night I was embraced.
When after feeding I was once again able to behave as I should, Joe set off to dispose of the body while I was left to heal what I could and go.

I wandered to Elysium, still not certain how I found it, and ended up partly witnessing a bloodless coupe.
I saw and thanked Mithra, Joe and Marcus, and asked Mithra what the hell happened and I was given this bit of advise.
*Don't throw dog biscuits at Gargoyles*
So, I am lost with that Idea, but as I no longer have Demna what will I do with the damn dog biscuits?

Lucien is no longer Prince, but backs Peter Strauss fully.
I am now alpha of a clan of Liam, Orick, and silent wind
and member of a coterie called *US*
with Liam, Lywellen, Orick, a Ventrue who's name escapes me, Perrin, and silent wind.

I spoke with Val, and have confindance that he will join our little party in time.
I spoke to Peter Strauss and he assures me that Jax will not be sheriff.

I went home after the gather and found that Demna's body was gone, it seems that the same ones who put me in the place that I awoke, also saw fit to dispose of any possible contagion.
I showered to wash away the stink of the corpse I spent days sleeping next to, and changing clothes spent the late part of the night in a 24 hour laundry place.
I did not really bother to *go to ground* that next day or since, I am as safe here as anywhere I suppose.


I have been looking online for what I suffered from and this seems to be it
The Black Plague:

Medieval physicians and chroniclers observed with horrified accuracy a panoply of symptoms, not realizing that they were witnessing different forms of the same illness. The most common form, called bubonic, is characterized by the formation of egg-sized swellings at the site of an infected flea bite, usually located in the armpits, groin or neck. Acute agonizing pain accompanies these growths. Next, hemorrhaging under the skin occurs, causing purplish blotches that frequently encircle the waist. Victims of bubonic plague die within four to six days of contraction.

A second form, pneumonic, occurs when the infection moves into the lungs, allowing the bacteria to be transmitted easily from person to person. A cough, a sneeze or the mere act of breathing sends death into the air. Symptoms include the vomiting of blood.

In septicemia, the third type of plague, massive numbers of the bacilli enter the bloodstream. A victim's body virtually explodes with the disease. A rash appears within hours, and death occurs within a day, even before buboes have time to appear.

Whatever form a victim contracted, everything about the plague was disgusting, so that the sick became objects of revulsion rather than of pity. All matter that exuded from their bodies let off an unbearable stench; sweat, excrement, spittle, and breath became so foul as to be overpowering; urine could be turbid, thick, black or red. All diseases have their own methods for creating misery, but this plague brought with it a unique ability to degrade, disgust and destroy its victims.

So, Now I know that there are a number of things far worse than final death, and Crossing or pissing off Cerebus is a good way to find out each and every one of them.

October 8, 2001
The conclave is over, the Justicars have left, Schneider is not dead, but then neither is Malak.
Friday night I was overcome with visions of a Jewish holocaust camp and the burning and the ovens, and other visions, so horrible it reminds me why I left europe in 1939. Then I saw a woman in peasant clothes with a tattoo of a number on her arm call me Nazi! I was very upset and looked through the horrid visions and my eyes met with Charon's. In silence he placed a finger to his lips and I clearly heard him say over the noisy crowd *Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh* I will not say I found peace, or control or anything, but I did fall silent untill Mithra walked me to a private room and spoke with me, not dispelling the visions, but bolstering my control. Once we were alone he asked that I tell him what I saw, and then asked me to logically reconcile that with today, and as I couldn't it must be a trick. I went and asked Erin Vaughn, my former employer if she did such a thing to me, and while she did not confirm it, she did not deny it either. I told her that if it happened again, I could not Promise to keep control and not harm someone. She laughed.
Malak's childe Sethra was to be the Prosecuter in the case and Father DelaCosta was defense. Both are Malkaviens'.
Erin Vaughn came back to the city and is staying.
During the trial, Valentine thought to point blame my way, but the Justicars were not having it.
I was put on the stand but only answered two tiny questions before the Sabbat allowed to witness the trial all raised a rukus and ran out of the room, causing the Justicars to call a recess.
After the recess, the final statements were made and Sethra looked right at me and said *Perhaps I should introduce myself, My name is *and he turned to the chalkboard and began to write* MALAK*
I do not think I have ever felt such fear in my life. Or unlife, or existance, or whatever.
I did not scream, though I wanted to, I did not run, though that thought came to mind, I knew better than to try to be unseen since he knew full well what I look like, I only thought of the door, and getting out.
I ended up in the corner and began to slowly try to descend to the floor level and get out the door, But HE turned and walked out into the night before I could get more than halfway down.
The trial was finished, Schneider was given a task rather than death, he must find, contain, and control the spirit that is Malak. If he could not do it before why does anyone think he can do it now?
I fear Malak more now than when he was in the city before.
After the pleasantries of the Conclave were over, I got on my motorcycle and did my level best to get the fuck away from all of them. I ended up in a 'roadhouse' on the edge of town, and there I fed upon drunken vitae. I fed upon much drunken vitae until I was overcome with the 'buzz'.
The rest of the night is somewhat blurry, I seem to recall sitting at a table with one of my snacks, I do not know if he was alive or dead, but he was face down on the table.
I also dimly remember something with the Graveyard, I know that Cerebus is out of town, so that makes no sense to me at all. But I do know that the dog bones I keep in my pocket for Demna were gone when I awoke the next evening.
I am only greatful that even in my unstable state I remembered to remove my necklace before 'going to ground'. Charon was very insistant upon that detail, and when he insists, there is a good damn reason.
I went home the next evening and finally got cleaned up. It would not do to look the part of a *Dirty Gangrel* now will it?

I came back into town to get food for Demna, and to check my email.
Lucien has named Peter Strauss as his Seneschal.

This just keeps getting better and better.

The Conclave is in 3 days.

The full moon is today.

I want this over now.

I only wish that Demna could come with me.

If I am still here I will post something after the Conclave.

If not, it has been nice living here.